Tips for re-entering the dating world when you have hearing loss

Whether you’ve recently gone through a painful divorce or are thinking about dating again after the death of a spouse, the idea of pursuing a new romantic relationship can feel daunting. Maybe you’re unsure how to tell a potential date you have hearing loss or worry about whether you’ll be able to hear him or her at a loud restaurant or theater.

“People often worry about being judged or having others see their hearing loss as who they are,” says Jennifer Klesman, LCSW, a licensed therapist with Cityscape Counseling in Chicago, Ill, and author of You Can’t Stay There: Surviving a Breakup One Moment at a Time. “It’s important to realize hearing loss doesn’t define you, it’s just one piece of your identity.”

Klesman's book discusses how to heal from the heartbreak of a previous relationship and deciding when you’re ready to begin dating again.

“It can be challenging to re-enter the dating world, even more so if your trust was damaged in the past and you have to learn how to trust a new person,” she says. “My book looks at different approaches to dating again and how to reframe rejection. It also talks about how your past doesn’t predict the success of your future dates and relationships.”

If you’ve decided this is the year you’ll start dating again, consider the following:

Be open about your hearing loss

According to Klesman, when and how you decide to tell a potential date about your hearing loss is entirely up to you.

“Some people may be fine noting it in their online dating profile, while others might choose to wait until they meet someone in person,” she says. “There isn’t a right or wrong way to tell someone about your hearing loss.”

Depending on the severity of your hearing loss, Klesman says some people may be surprised to learn you wear a hearing device. 

“You can start by saying, 'You may not have been able to tell that____' in order to drive home that your hearing aids may not be obvious and also that hearing loss isn’t a major defining feature of who you are,” Klesman says.

She also recommends allowing your date to ask questions, especially if they’ve never met someone with hearing loss. This makes the topic more comfortable to discuss and it becomes a non-issue in your relationship.

Remember not everyone will be a good match

If you haven’t dated for a while, you might not be familiar with the term “ghosting,” or when someone ends all contact without explanation. A Forbes Health/OnePoll survey, released in 2023, found that 76% of respondents have either ghosted or been ghosted in the context of dating.

“Don’t assume if a date ghosts you that it’s because of your hearing loss,” says Klesman. “People ghost others for many different reasons, especially on dating apps, and it often has more to do with themselves than you.”

Choose a date venue where you feel comfortable

“Outdoor dates or picnics can be good first date venues if you have hearing loss,” says Nicholas Faillace, Au.D., CCC/A, an audiologist at the SENTA Clinic in San Diego, Calif. “Look for places with minimal noise, since loud environments can be sometimes be challenging.”

Dr. Faillace says having conversations in loud, busy environments, such as bars or restaurants, can also lead to listening fatigue for those with hearing loss. Listening fatigue is caused by the additional effort you need to make to listen and comprehend others when they’re speaking.

“Outdoor dates or picnics can be good first date venues if you have hearing loss. Look for places with minimal noise, since loud environments can be sometimes be challenging.”

Practice self-care when dating

“Be kind to yourself when you re-enter the dating world,” Klesman says. “Ultimately dating should be fun, so take breaks if it begins to feel overwhelming or like a chore.”

Klesman also recommends separating your self-worth from rejection.

“If someone doesn’t want to be with you because of your hearing loss, or for another reason, then despite how much you liked them and felt they were a good match, they really aren’t the type of person you want to be with,” she says. “It can be easy to forget this, and to have concerns you will never find someone, but this isn’t true, everyone experiences some kind of struggle when it comes to dating.”

Give your hearing devices a checkup

Before re-entering the dating world, Dr. Faillace recommends making an appointment with your hearing healthcare provider to ensure your hearing aids are functioning properly.

“It’s always a good idea to see your hearing healthcare provider at least a couple times per year,” he says. “Annual hearing tests and reprogramming hearing aids are both ways to ensure your devices are performing properly when it comes to hearing and the ability to understand speech.”

If you have hearing aids, Dr. Faillace suggests asking for a speech-in-noise test from your provider that determines your ability to perceive sounds in background noise.

“Sometimes remote microphone accessories can also help if a partner is willing to wear it in more challenging listening environments,” he says. “Ultimately, being open and honest about your hearing loss is a pivotal part of dating so your partner can better understand better what you’re experiencing.”